Amber

Young Amber was on her way home from her 1^st Junior Olympics. As she settled in her seat, the Flight Attendant servicing her section noticed the Junior Olympics tee shirt Amber was wearing. She questioned Amber about the shirt and discovered that she had indeed been a participant in the recently completed World Junior Olympics.

“What event did you compete in?” the Flight Attendant inquired.

“The high jump”, Amber proudly replied.

“How did you do?”

“I came in 14^th place.”

“Oh! How many participants were there in the high jump?”

“14!”

“I’m sorry,” said the Flight Attendant, “maybe you’ll do better next year.”

This account went from fact to story in one statement. Up until the Flight Attendant’s judgment, the story of Amber’s Olympic experience was a series of facts. Our lives are made up of a series of facts, acted upon by the story we choose to tell about the facts.

Let’s consider Amber’s account from the Flight Attendant’s fabricated story. Fabricated because the Flight Attendant doesn’t know very much about the story, so she autobiographically filled in the unknown parts.

Let’s review the facts:

• Amber competed in the World Junior Olympics.
• She is a high jumper.
• She came in 14^th out of 14 in her field.

The Flight Attendant’s story:

• Amber came in last place.
• Last place isn’t good.
• Amber must be disappointed.
• To show she cares, the Flight Attendant shows her sorrow through sympathy.

What stories are available for Amber to tell had the Flight Attendant not judged, related, or assumed? Here are some more facts that Amber could have shared, had the Flight Attendant been a Ted and shown genuine interest in Amber’s story.

• This is Amber’s first year competing in the high jump.
• There are 100,000 other young women, world wide, competing in her age bracket in the high jump.
• Amber came in 14^th place in the world.
• She finished in the top 1/10 of 1% for her sport.
• Amber learned a lot during the competition that will aide her performance next year.

Amber’s story is dramatically different than the Flight Attendant’s. Imagine where the conversation could have gone had the Flight Attendant been present and interested?

When we twist or assume existing facts into stories that fit our paradigm, we miss reality and sojourn through life on false pretenses, also known as assumptions.

Learning to maintain neutrality in our space with others allows greater learning. Neutrality also nourishes trust and respect. The Flight Attendant, upon hearing Amber placed last, quickly judged, made an assumption of sorrow, and stopped listening.

She changed the tenor of the space from being a Ted, to being a Ting and sought agreement when she expressed sorrow, fully expecting Amber to reciprocate.

Imagine you are Amber in this situation. How would you respond to what is perhaps the highlight of your young athletic career with someone seeking agreement and expressing sympathy for a poor performance?

This is the difference between being a TED and being a TING.

When we share the gospel with people not of our faith, how often do we assume and judge in our conversation? People not of our faith have a different paradigm, but it doesn’t mean they don’t feel the same passion and have the same desire to know God as we do.

Too often have we told people about the gospel instead of teaching them. Telling them is a monologue. It’s persuasive and manipulative. The space of neutrality when teaching invites in the Spirit and the Spirit does the convincing. Our role is as a tool or conduit for the spirit.

The most effective method of getting the Spirit is to seek understanding without preaching. Learn the skill of asking questions that elicit thought, non-rhetorical questions. How many Ambers are out there waiting to tell their incredible story and we quickly judge and preach?