When teaching the gospel, he who asks the questions is in control. She who is being questioned has the power. This allows the Holy Ghost to work in harmony with the missionary (teacher). The Holy Ghost will do the heavy lifting when you, as the teacher, give permission to the investigator to think and express an opinion without fear of judgment.
Think about the last time you met a persuasive salesperson or missionary. Did you have permission to say no? Were your opinions, thoughts, and desires truly sought? Were they considered and honored? If no, did you feel trust towards that person?
A communication Blind Spot is asking questions and then taking the power away from the respondent to answer in truth. It is also asking rhetorical questions that lead the investigator to the answer you want or expect.
To be effective and develop emotional intimacy with someone, a missionary must relinquish power. There is a constant urge to answer and make decisions in behalf of the investigator, but having the ability to be neutral, without expecting their answers to be in harmony with what you want, will empower them with confidence and trust.
The most productive space between two people is emotional intimacy. As a missionary of the Lord Jesus Christ, you are sent to preach the gospel, not to force the gospel into their lives because they need it. Developing emotional intimacy is critical for the presence of the Spirit and the whisperings of the still small voice.
Control in a gospel discussion is manifested only over the direction of the conversation and not over the investigator or friend. Controlling the direction of a conversation is orchestrating a space of neutrality between you and the other person.
When a missionary uses manipulation or persuasion to influence an investigator to read the Book of Mormon, to attend church, or to make a baptismal commitment, he removes the ability for the investigator to say yes.
An investigator can never say yes until she can say no.
Most people, when trying to be persuasive, feel the need to take both positions during the conversation. The first position is control and the second position is power.
The most productive missionaries use emotional intimacy as a foundation for teaching the gospel. It is primary in their approach. The Lord’s chosen understand that trust is a key ingredient to success; in fact it’s a currency.
