“I could just tell you what to do, or we could explore it together. The first is much faster to deliver. The second usually works better.” – Carl Ingalls
Teaching vs. Criticism
Teaching is the process of delegating thinking to the student. The art of asking questions to teach has prerequisites and can only be applied when functioning within The You Pyramid™. The anti-thesis of teaching is criticizing.
Constructive criticism is the politically correct way of seeking agreement from or forcing agreement on someone else and masking it as a virtue.
Constructive tends to build up and to serve a useful purpose.
Criticism is an expression of disapproval based on perceived faults or mistakes.
The phrase is an oxymoron and full of judgment. There is nothing neutral about criticism no matter how sweet the delivery or masked the intention.
Although criticism is a part of life, it is most often delivered like an unwelcomed guest who overstays his welcome. When he arrives at the front door his presence is not celebrated.
However, when you invite someone into your home, you welcome her with openness and graciousness. For example, when I send material to my editor, I’m asking him for criticism.
He delivers his message that constitutes his perceived faults or mistakes of my work. Because there is a level of trust and respect in our relationship, I accept his criticism and move on without offense. He is my guest and I invited him.
Criticism is rarely needed. It is most often offered without invitation. As such, the person delivering the criticism is seeking agreement, is judgmental, and is coming from a perceived state of righteousness.
How much more effective is searching for truth and correction by allowing the other person the self awareness associated with growth. That space to share teaching questions can only be obtained through practice. Here are the steps of mastery:
- Learn to hold discussions without expressing any opinions unless solicited.
- Learn to hold discussions without relating or judging.
- Learn to develop a neutral tone to your voice and remove persuasion from your point of view.
- Develop listening skills by practicing the skill of being interesTED.
- Acquire a taste for determining WHO is right vs. WHAT is right.
- Communicate for commitment (ask many questions that expect a commitment)
