The Ice Cream Experience

Last night we conducted another edition of the ‘Ice Cream Experience’ in our home. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it was originally called the Ice Cream Game, but participants felt the word game gave off the feeling of lightheartedness and frivolity, which is not part of the ‘Experience.’

The purpose of the ‘Experience’ is to own 100% of our communication. The ‘Experience’ teaches us how to own 11 different emotional spaces. This is a Marshall Thurber invention.

The ‘Experience’ is played with a conductor who directs the proceedings and is responsible for the interventions.

There is one presenter who randomly draws an emotion, stands before the jury, and emotes the phrase: “There is not enough ice-cream!” The intonation and facial features are all the jury has to deliberate on in order to determine the correct emotion. After the presenter emotes, the conductor will call for the jury to present. When the conductor says present, the jury will hold up one of the eleven cards in their lap. Each card has an emotion written on it. If the jury is not 100% unanimous, the presenter or the conductor says, without emotion: ‘Thank you.’ This signals that the space is not yet owned.

The goal of the presenter is to own the space of that particular emotion. The round ends when all five of the jury have independently chosen the correct emotion. The jury may not look at other’s choices and they may not collaborate during the presentation.

If there are more than 7 participants, the others stand or sit behind the jury and may also vote, show each other their choice, and collaborate. This should be done quietly, so as not to influence or distract the presenter.

It is important that all participants respect the presenter and are quiet while the he/she prepares and presents. After a round is concluded, mix up the jury and a new presenter is chosen or volunteered.

This is a learning experience for everyone involved. It is fascinating to observe the dynamics involved in trying to own the space of communication. Pay close attention to close family members and friends in comparison to casual acquaintances.

If, after, many attempts, 15+ or about 30 minutes, the jury is not in harmony, the conductor instigates an intervention. The conductor and the presenter go into another room to converse. The jury remains silent out of respect. The standby jury indulges in food, snack and beverage.

The conductor helps the presenter get closer to the emotional space by asking questions and pointing out patterns. It’s also a time for the presenter to gather himself/herself and re-focus on the space.

If after another period of time, the jury is not in harmony, another intervention may be conducted.

On the third intervention, the jury is allowed to talk, but they are not allowed to agree on posting the same emotion as a process of elimination.

If after multiple interventions, the space is still not owned, (jury hasn’t agreed) the conductor will do a public intervention and find out a time in life where that emotion played a significant role. The best place to start is around age six and work forward. The presenter will usually find an experience between 6 and 10 that will have been a tipping point and is now a road block with respect to that emotion.

The conductor’s role is to get the presenter to talk about the experience, relive it, and then overcome it. This is a very powerful and emotional moment. All participants must be reverent and allow the experience to be vocalized. The conductor will try to have the presenter overcome the obstacle with a better understanding of how that emotion has influenced them all these years and put an end to the emotion controlling them. By overcoming the emotion and owning the respective space, a process of healing and an increase in communication clarity is attained.

Be careful not to mention the emotion during the public intervention dialog and then allow the jury to vote again, if possible. If the intervention becomes very emotional, it is encumbent upon the jury to support the presenter with affectionate hugs and words of love and support.

To own the space means to have the ability to communicate that emotion. For example, let’s say you drew the sad card. You will say the words: “There is not enough ice cream” in a manner that depicts sad. If all the cards from the jury come up sad, you own that space. But, if only one person thinks you are sad, and others think you are angry, don’t want to cause any trouble, irritated and disappointed, you clearly have sent conflicting messages on the emotion.

The eleven emotions are:
1. Sad
2. Angry
3. Enraged
4. Irritated
5. Disappointed
6. I don’t want to cause any trouble
7. Cold
8. Sweet (phony)
9. I am right
10. I am wrong
11. Fear

To prepare for the ‘Experience’ have each participant write the emotions on a 4 X 6 card. Set up the room so 5 people (jury) can sit facing the presenter and the others (stand by jury) can be seated behind.

Have a wonderful experience. This is for people who want to grow, learn, and improve. The more you play, the more you learn.

“The learner always learns what the learner wants to learn.” (W. Edwards Deming)

“In times of change, the learners will inherit the earth while the knowers will find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” (Eric Hoffer)