DWAP – Date With A Purpose
For the Single Person
1. The purpose for dating is to narrow the field to one person that you determine is the best companion for Eternal Life.
a. Make a list of the qualities you want in a spouse. There is nothing off limits. Don’t try to be overly spiritual, too philosophical, or lascivious. Just be you. I wanted a pretty wife her took care of herself (exercise and public appearance) so I married a pretty wife that loved exercise. That was important too me, but so was a love for sports. My wife knew nothing about sports when I met her.
b. A love for sports can be taught, being pretty is a function of her parents and taking care of herself is part of her character.
c. Now everyday, I am still married to a pretty wife who exercises and has an appreciation of sports.
2. Every date carries with it a specific purpose. Points to observe during the date:
a. Communication ability – does the discussion flow comfortably?
b. Does he/she ask good questions?
c. Do you ask good questions? (He who asks questions is in control of the discussion.)
d. Does the conversation tend to focus on one person only? It is important to learn about your date, but if the universe revolves around them only, are they willing to learn a different focus?
e. Remember, things will not improve much once you are married. If anything, your date has his/her guard level at the highest, he/she is on best behavior mode. Does this person have a desire to self-improve? Do you? Self-improvement is one of the most powerful traits to consider. Our purpose for living is to self-improve.
f. Victim vs. Blessed mentality (a person cannot be a victim and blessed at the same time.) If you are dating a victim, quickly move on. You will be rescuing your entire marriage.
g. The small things: common courtesy with you, towards others, eating habits, teach-ability, small talk (self-centered, people centered, critical centered, or happy centered, positive centered, growth centered.)
h. Listen to the mode of conversation, does your date discuss/argue from the standpoint of being right or learning what’s right. [Where do you stand on this?]
3. Suggested themes for dating. [Small minds discuss people, Average minds discuss events, Great minds discuss ideas. Hyman Rickover] Discuss
a. Ideas: Greatest Insight for the day or past week.
b. Current events: political, religious, sports
c. History
d. Philosophy
e. Religion and your Religious Blueprint
f. Government and your political views (liberal, conservative)
g. Sports
h. Poetry
i. Books
j. Finances and your respective Financial Blueprints
k. Children and your parenting/teaching philosophy
4. You tend to marry the people you date and the type of people you date. If you go out more than 2 times, you are dating that person.
a. After each date, go through your questions: (filter)
b. The secret to a happy marriage is developing the ability to accurately judge the character of the person you are dating.
c. It is important to gauge part of your experience by the feelings you have, but it is only 50% of the equation. Just feeling good about him/her isn’t the answer. Sadly, too many marriages break up because only the heart was used for the determining factor of the marriage question.
d. A common mistake made by women when deciding who to date and then who to marry is the ‘I can fix him’ approach. This is all heart, admirable, but nevertheless only heart and fraught with disappointment.
e. If your boyfriend is always in need of you, financially, transportation, advice, manners, or he is dependent in some sort upon his parents or friends etc., review the relationship from the mind, use your logic. Answers the following questions:
i. What will change with his behavior after you are married?
ii. If you believe he can change, you must answer HOW? The answer that you will change him is a recipe for disaster, find another answer.
iii. How did he get this behavior? (You are searching for the root cause of his behavior: If you want to change the fruits you have to change the roots.)
iv. If you can honestly look at both sides of the equation, heart (emotion) and mind (logic), you are more inclined to make a good decision.
f. If your girlfriend is very dependent upon her family and she tends to be strongly influenced by them on the small items that are of little consequence, go through the same line of questioning. Is this what you really WANT?
5. TWO MAJOR STATEMENTS:
a. There are many fish in the sea!
b. There is NOT just one person for you!
6. This advice is easy to say, to write and to pontificate, but history and experience has proven over and over again the truth held within these statements. The only reason people fight against this concept is because they are only functioning with their heart (emotion) and their mind has been shut off.
7. If you master the art of dating, your chance of a successful marriage has exponentially increased.
a. Learn to communicate (ask questions), dialogue (seek for what is right not who is right) and make decisions (using both heart and mind).
8. Let’s review the basics of dating again:
a. Your purpose is to find a spouse.
b. Each date is a research experience.
c. Each date has a purpose.
i. Determine the purpose before you go out – topic, ideas, events etc.
ii. Set guidelines of what you will do and when you will return (agenda).
d. Review the date upon return. Be as critical on yourself as you are on your date. Run the date through your filter system of what you WANT for a spouse. Are you equal to your expectations?
e. Seek for improvement on the next date. (Better questions, more articulate answers, improved listening habits.)
f. If after two dates, your date does not meet the criteria of a spouse, you stop going out together. The longer you wait to make this decision, the more miserable you will be. (If you don’t like this advice, your heart is riding rough shod over your mind again.)
g. The quicker you end the relationship, the happier you will be. This is called ‘Boundary Protection.’
h. You’ve heard the expression we can just be friends. Here is what this really means:
i. We will not be dating each other any more.
ii. You are not bad, and I am not bad.
iii. We are not meant for each other because what I want is not what you have.
iv. There is no guilt leveraging here: this has nothing to do with the false notion that you deserve someone better than me. That’s nonsense and smashes the heartstrings worse because it’s false humility. What you deserve is someone different than me, that’s all.
v. We will not hang out together.
vi. If we run into each other because of common friendships, let’s remember the good experiences we had and not act stupid and uncomfortable.
vii. No grudges, it didn’t work out and we are both moving on.
viii. When we are each married we will not stay in touch. May the force be with you, good-bye.
Happy Searching!
